Alex's first day on the job.
Alex: "Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Alex J. Tamsula and I'm the new White House Press Secretary. How are you all doing today? Good. Let's get started. Major?"
Major: "Mr. Tamsula. We've been looking at writings of yours on line from the past sixteen years or so and ... would it be fair to say that you consider yourself to be a 9/11 Conspiracy Theorist? And ... "
Alex: "Let me stop you right there, Major. First of all, I speak for The President of The United States at these briefings and not for myself. That will always be the case except for this one time since you have impugned my integrity and believability by using the phrase 'Conspiracy Theorist' which in today's popular culture is a synonym for madman, psychotic, paranoiac, tin foil hat wearing kook, crank, couch case, nut, and/or somebody who believes The CIA planted a microchip inside his head. Let me challenge the assumption behind your question that anyone who finds anomalies in the official government 9/11 story must be delusional.
"First of all let us take a look at the 9/11 Commission Report itself. It never determined who bankrolled the attacks on 9/11, and in Chapter 5 states with respect to the funding: "Ultimately the question is of little practical significance." Really? I think a lot of Americans, if this were brought to their attention, would differ.
"So since the Commission never tracked down where the financing for the terror plot originated and left it an open question, there is no conclusion one can reach other than the report, in and of itself, is incomplete; even at 592 pages it's still The Reader's Digest Condensed version of all the permutations of 9/11. With Philip Zelikow, executive director of the 9/11 Commission, outlining the reports conclusions before a single witness was called to testify, setting up limitations as to what the commission could and could not ultimately claim, how could its completeness be asserted in any way, shape or form?
"Second, did you know original members of The Tea Party collation were 9/11 Truthers? There is video to be found on YouTube from some early Tea Party events where members can be seen taking copies of The 9/11 Commission Report and chucking them into the drink. That was until the Republican party rightly perceived The Tea Party as an insurrectionist threat and sent a herd of Republican party operatives lead by trail boss Alex Costellanos to infiltrate Tea Party rallies, all with the unexpressed purpose of marginalizing and finally ousting any 9/11 official story skeptics while at the same time ingratiating themselves with the group by totally agreeing with the Taxed Enough Already sentiment. But on the way out was anybody who asked troubling questions such as, why did some New York City firefighters claim they saw pools and small rivers of molten metal at Ground Zero?
"So this might come as a surprise to you but yes, days after the collapse of the Towers there were pools and small rivers of molten metal seen at Ground Zero, a salient little detail not coververed in the 9/11 Commission Report to my knowledge, and not covered at all by any of the major, credible, established media outlets which constantly assure the American people that only they can give us the facts that can be believed. And it's really kind of cowardly why we don't hear about this from the Real News people because there is a simple and quite plausible explanation as to why molten metal was seen. The five or six story tall debris pile left over after the collaspe of buildings ended up functioning as a giant furnance.
"I've seen video of heavily insulated furnaces in Norway, much smaller than the 9/11 debris pile, handily turning pieces of aluminum into liquid. So consider the debris pile. Consider the weight of it, the pressure, the insulation over the underground fires and it's very possible such conditions would create enough heat to melt some types of metal. I don't know if that made the debris pile the biggest or hottest furnace of its time, but I wouldn't be surprised if the heat it could generate was equal to any industrial furnace designed for the same purpose.
"So next time you run into a 9/11 Truther who says 'well what about the molten metal at Ground Zero', you can take this little bit of scientific inquiry and ram it down his throat. Does that answer your question, Major?"
"Uh ... I guess."
"Did you have a follow-up question?"
"I did but right now it's of little practical significance."
"Good. I'm glad we understand each other. Okay so who is my next victim? Hallie?"
Editos Note: Now just for the record I want to state that I am NOT after Sean Spicer's position. I think he's doing a fine job and I hope he lasts the duration. But can you imagine the look on Hillary Clinton's face if she watched me on TV take the podium before the White House Press corps and say, ""Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen. My name is Alex J. Tamsula and I'm the new White House Press Secretary. How are you all doing today?"
It would be priceless.
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